Balance vs. Harmony

Okay, it's been a few days since I've blogged. I'm overdue. For those who missed Kristen's play "A Bad Year For Tomatoes" you missed a great show, and a great performance. I'll be sure to give you ample notice before the next one, in case you're interested.

When I setup this blog, it was meant to be a random collection of observations, rants, lessons, and just general "stuff" I pickup along this journey I call life. Well, it's a busy time of life right now for me as I'm sure you can imagine. A new son at home is all the newness I need to turn life as I knew it upside down. Even though it has been about 6.5 months now, I'm still adjusting. Loving every minute of it of course, but wow, life is different in every way. The one thing that has been the most challenging for me has been finding the right balance working on being a good dad, a good husband, a good employee, a good friend, a good family member, and in general just being a good person. Good is a pretty weak word. If you know me, you know that it's in my nature to accept nothing short of 'absolutely outstanding', not just 'good'. The reality is, those 6 things are often naturally at odds with each other, and not being absolutely outstanding at all 6 is really stressing me out, and is even a little depressing at times. This week, I had dinner with a really good friend who shared some perspective on "balance" with me that I found really insightful and refreshing. I feel compelled to capture, and perhaps share it with whom ever cares to read about it right here on my blog.

Picture a balance scale. It's a very simple mechanical device with two sides that are naturally opposed to one another. One side goes up, and the other one goes down. Therein lies the problem. To achieve balance, one thing needs to suffer, for the other one to benefit. It's a zero sum game. For years, I've been running around trying to achieve a "balanced" lifestyle. I say trying because I never really have ever pulled it off, and I don't think I'm alone on this one.

The other night I realized what I really want is not balance at all, it's harmony. Harmony implies that the different parts of my life (career, parenthood, marriage, friendships, family, and my personal well being) actually co-exist well together. In fact, they co-exist in such a way that one supports the other 5, to the point that all 6 co-exist better together, than if they existed on their own. Simply put, the whole needs to be greater than the sum of the parts. It's not a zero sum game, it's a game where the sum has no bounds at all, and unlimited potential.

If you have had the stamina to read this far, you probably think I'm on some really good drugs, and you may even be inclined to ask me for some. This harmony idea for certain sounds either really obvious, or like a pipe dream. Well I think it's neither. It's perspective. I feel grateful to have received this perspective the other night, because it's changed how I think, and how I approach each aspect of my life.

As a final way to illustrate my point, I'll leave you with an example. Theatre fits harmoniously with the rest of Kristen's life. If you haven't seen her on stage, you don't know how amazing she really is at it. And I can tell you, being involved with theatre has made her a better friend, a better mom, a better wife, and in general a better, happier person. I now have stopped trying to achieve a balanced lifestyle, and seek to establish harmony instead. I'll let you know how it goes...